What NYC Matchmakers Actually Look For in a New Client

Emily Lyons

Founder & CEO, NYC Matchmaking Group · 12 Years in Matchmaking

Contrary to popular belief, it's not about being perfect. It's not about being the most attractive person in the room, having the highest net worth, or saying all the right things in your consultation. Here's what actually separates the clients who find love from those who stay stuck.

Self-Awareness Over Perfection

The single most important quality I look for in a new client isn't their resume or their looks — it's self-awareness. Do they know what they actually want, versus what they think they should want? Can they articulate what went wrong in past relationships without blaming everyone else? Are they honest about their own patterns?

Clients who come in with a rigid 47-point checklist are often harder to match than clients who say, "I know what matters to me, and I'm flexible on the rest." The checklist people are usually optimizing for a fantasy. The flexible ones are optimizing for a real human being. Research from Psychology Today supports this: people who approach dating with curiosity rather than rigid criteria tend to form stronger connections.

Emotional Availability

This is the one that surprises people. You can be accomplished, attractive, and ready to write a check — but if you're not emotionally available, no matchmaker in the world can help you. I've turned away clients who clearly weren't ready, and I've told clients mid-process that they need to pause and do some personal work before we continue.

Emotional availability means you've processed past relationships enough to be genuinely open to a new one. It means you're not using dating as a distraction from loneliness, or as a box to check, or as validation. It means you have actual space in your life — and your heart — for another person.

The Gottman Institute's research on relationship success consistently identifies emotional openness as one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction.

The clients who find love fastest aren't the ones who are "perfect on paper." They're the ones who are genuinely ready to let someone in.

Coachability

Professional matchmaking isn't a passive experience. I give feedback. I challenge assumptions. I tell clients things they don't always want to hear — like the fact that their dealbreaker isn't actually a dealbreaker, or that the type of person they keep choosing is the exact wrong type for them.

The clients who succeed are the ones who listen. Not because I'm always right, but because they understand that a matchmaker who has seen thousands of relationships form and fail might have perspective they don't. This is similar to hiring a coach in any other area of life — the value comes from an outside perspective that you can't give yourself.

Realistic Expectations

I'm looking for clients who understand that matchmaking is a process, not a magic trick. The first introduction might not be "the one." The feedback after a date might be uncomfortable. The timeline might be longer than they'd like. But if they trust the process and stay engaged, the results speak for themselves.

If you're reading this and recognizing yourself — even the uncomfortable parts — that's actually a good sign. The best clients aren't the ones who have it all figured out. They're the ones who are willing to do the work. If you're also wondering why the apps haven't been working for you, start there.